The High Cost of Elders Caring for Elders
Hollywood loves a story about a heroic spouse who remains devoted to the care of his or her sick partner. That kind of devotion is something we all want to believe in. We want to believe that the words “till death do us part” are taken seriously. And they should be taken seriously – certainly they should. Because of this, sometimes the spouse of an Alzheimer’s patient is reluctant to seek help in caring for their loved one.
Spouses of Alzheimer’s patients have a unique perspective. And a unique level of guilt as well. Spouses don’t want to admit that they are unable to care for a cherished loved one. That’s certainly understandable. But the physical and emotional toll of caring for an advancing Alzheimer’s patient are very real. And they can be devastating to the health of the surviving spouse.
The Arizona Republic recently published a story about a woman named Betty who tried very hard to care for her husband, who had Alzheimer’s disease. She steadfastly refused help, wanting to preserve his dignity, wanting to be faithful to her husband, wanting to do the right thing.
As the months passed, "we could see the stress level affecting her," recalls her daughter Linda Fenlon. "The frustrating part was, we wanted her to have some independence, some quality of life. But she saw it as her duty in life to take care of him."
For four years, Betty Crierie rarely asked for or accepted her family's help, until one Wednesday last June. As she left her support-group meeting, she remembers, "I got this funny feeling in my chest." It worsened on the 10-minute drive home. She called her daughter and said, "I'm calling 911. I think I'm having a heart attack."
Studies are now showing that spouses who care for Alzheimer’s patients for more than 4 years have a 63% higher mortality rate. Their risk of stroke is almost 25% higher as well. Caring for an Alzheimer’s patient takes an emotional and physical toll on anyone, and an aging spouse can easily be overwhelmed. And yet, husbands and wives are often the last to ask for help.
What’s to be done?
First, adult children of Alzheimer’s patients should watch out for the healthy spouse as much, if not more, than for the patient. If your mother is caring for your father, check with her regularly. Make sure that she is seeing a doctor herself. And make sure that she has time to herself.
Second, the decision to put a loved one in an institution is complicated and should be dealt with accordingly. It’s not just about the patient. The spouse and family’s lives are just as important. Sometimes a person needs a care facility to preserve the health of their spouse.
Third, if a person has to move to a care facility, the family should make sure that the spouse left behind is able to visit regularly, continue his or her help with care, and take care of themselves at the same time.
Gordon Atkinson for Alzcare.
Alzcare provides loving care and treatment of Alzheimer’s patients in Texas without an institutional feel. Alzcare facilities are residential homes with staff available. AlzCare – Alzheimer’s care in Texas.
